Family structure
Investing in your family’s happiness is an highly important long term investment. If you don’t have a well functioning family dynamic, it effects your family’s every day happiness, the time you want to spend together, your creativity, learning skills and playfulness, wanting to support and help each other. A loving family will remain as a strong unit even when the going gets tough and you hit the rough teenage years. This investment keeps on giving throughout the years even after your children moved out.
Secret to creating a well functioning family dynamic is setting up a framework of rules. The younger your children are the easier it is to create and form good habits. By being present you will notice the signs and know when it’s time to start implementing and adjusting rule-setting. If you make chores seem playful, not introducing too many at a time and by adding occasional competitions and rewards you’ll get everybody onboard. Children are different but up to 7 years of age it is easier to influence your children as they are still more receptive for family dynamics. Later, if starting from scratch your work will become harder with every passing year.
Start by writing down issues and behaviors that take energy or time and effect your every day simple living. Sort them in piles so it is easy to see if you have more serious problems or is it just small things that create irritation and arguments. Include everybody, ask for input and thoughts so you know that you are talking about the same things, understanding what is a reoccurring problem and what is just a nuisance.
After you sorted everything out on your list choose a basket to put each issue in. Start with the ones most effecting your family’s every day happiness, as correcting or eliminating them will make the biggest difference in how you feel about your home life. If you have any issues going against your chosen Core Values these need to be in the basket #1.
Some behaviors might be important to take care of before they develop in to bad habits or problems, so they end up in the basket #1.
Other issues are most irritating or steal time and energy. Try to resonate and compromise, listen to each other, maybe you can find a solution to work towards. They end up in the basket #2.
Keep an eye on these ones, adjust and bring them up as needed.
Rising Confident Good Kid
1. Compliment wisely / Make a difference when complimenting and encouraging.
If you want to encourage your children when they do something they are supposed to do a simple “Thank You” is enough. If they reach a new goal or skill that they have been working towards a “Good Job” “Way to go Buddy” or bigger celebration is on it’s place. But keep it within limits so when the whole task turns out perfect you still can celebrate extra.
It’s important to encourage every step on the way! If they are not accomplishing the whole task be sure to focus on the part that was well done and praise them. To know that they are taking steps in the right direction is important. But equally important is to show your children that you are
noticing their efforts and that you will be there cheering them along so they don’t give up.
2. Help your children to set goals
Being able to prioritize helps to get things done in life, to achieve goals and live with purpose. Wen you find what works for you and consistently applying it you will be rewarded by reaching desired result and doing it in shorter time. You will be able to say no to things that keep you busy and away from working towards you purpose.
Find out what works for you. Are you a morning/evening person, do you prefer to work alone or in a group. How do you adapt information, do you prefer reading /hearing/visualizing and so on. Do you easily get distracted when working or do you not even get started. All these are important factors and you carry them with you till you consciously change your habits.
But to start with, attach your new tasks to a habit you already have. EX. Do homework every day right after you come home / after dinner or at an other time that is most beneficial for you. Tie it to one thing you already do every day, as coming home from school, and keep at it until it becomes a habit and goes automatically.
The other thing that is valuable is to rank your to do list.
The things you have to stick to, never to be broken or forgotten – As doing your homework at a specific time or packing your school bag and choosing your clothes for the following day, etc.
The things that you are willing to compromise with, the negotiable ones that you do not have to get done right away.
The things that are nice, that make you happy in the moment. If you scheduled a movie night at home and a friend wants to invite you over. You get the idea!
3. Be brave
Dare to speak up when need be. If you feel as you don’t understand something ask a question. When somebody is not speaking the truth or you have a different viewpoint or an amazing idea share your opinion. But do not play the clown, you do not always need to have an opinion.
Bring your problems and questions home that you can not solve with your friends or in the classroom. Never forget that your parents have also been your age, maybe they have gone through some rough times so ask them to listen and help you to come up with answers.
The only time is now so do not wait for a better opportunity to clear misunderstandings. The smallest argument or misunderstanding can become a serious hurdle if not lifted right away and hurt feelings grow in size when stored.
Admit your mistakes when wrong. Everybody makes them it is a way to learn what doesn’t work.
4. Self Awareness
You are not your things! The outer attributes as your looks, clothes, money are ever changing and so do peoples opinions of you so don’t put too much value on what somebody think’s of you today, good or bad, they might have changed their mind till tomorrow.
Face the world from within, does it feel right for you, is it something you feel happy or proud of to do or speak. What others think and speak is their reality.
Nobody has all the answers, everybody makes mistakes over and over again and it’s OK. It is the best way to learn what doesn’t work. Ask your parents what mistake they did today, compare and laugh and you see it happens every day even when you are a grown up.
Everybody is unique and different from everybody else and that is the beauty of mankind. Think of the movie Matrix or other movies where they copy individuals or monsters, thousands of them. What a scary world if everybody was just like me. Be proud of your unique traits, looks and feelings they are a beautiful gift.
5. Quiet time
Start having quiet time with your children, short guided meditation exercises. Let them giggle or fall asleep, no talking though, as you are working towards ability to connect inwards and hear your inner voice.
Meditation helps you to focus on what you choose, even if you are surrounded by chaos and noise.
You will be able to choose your reactions and mindset when you don’t let outside influences steal your attention.
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